Bigge

Well, it was an eventful weekend to say the least. 

MR and I survived an office fire, blowfish tail soju, North Korea, and enough kimchi to feed a small village and entirely burn away any stomach lining.

So we’ll start with Friday.  At about 11 MC, went from speaking aggressively in Korean on the phone to a quick hang up and looked at me and said “The third floor is on fire, we need to leave the building”.  I reacted normally by laughing.  But the other consultant got up and opened our roof door on the 5^th floor and smoke billowed in.  What the…. We all got up and walked out towards the stair well.  There is a wall of black smoke against the east facing windows.  So MR and I press our faces against the glass to try and see out, like children watching the first snow fall.  “Burn” we mummer while excited visions of an early work departure dance in our heads as we snap pictures on our phones.  Quickly we are pulled back to reality.  MC – “I think we need to evacuate the building, you should take your purse”.   MR and I giggle excitedly as we gather our personal belongings and laptops, intentionally leaving the power cords to hopefully burn.

All 5 floors evacuated out the front stair well and stand outside along the street.  MR and I excitedly take photos until JW cautiously approaches us and asks us to please stop.  I guess having your Corporate Auditors at the office when it’s burning is less than desirable.  Slowly, the smoke reduces as one of the employees battled the fire using up 5 fire extinguishers.  Then the fire trucks arrived, with the ambulance, and police.  Cutting off the tiny little street and causing more attention to gather around the building.  Quickly the hope of flames shooting through the roof ended and MR and I realize the building is still standing.

In hopes to avert our attention, JW took us to lunch on the North side of Seoul.  By this point the lack of sleep, minimal breakfast, strange foods, and bottles of wine at dinner have finally caught up to me.  Sitting in the tiny little car, going up and down windy little roads, with crazy (insert stereo type here) drivers everywhere, and no fresh air nauseous begins to claim my body.  After about an hour we finally arrive at the restaurant, which looks like a shack constructed in 1970 out of reclaimed pieces.  I excuse myself to the bathroom where my head touches the ceiling.  I gather myself, don’t wash my hands (there was no sink), and head out for my serving of chicken soup. 

The restaurant served only one item tradition Korean style spicy soup.  The soup is cooked out on a wood burning stove in a giant cast iron pot.  Each pot gets it’s own whole chicken which has been loving chopped into chucks (bones included!) and mixed with potatoes and a hot pepper broth.  We sit barefoot Indian style and hack away at our food while the aroma of kimchi permeates our being. Through out lunch, MR and I ask about the office, hoping that it will be closed for the day.  To kill more time, JW takes us to a traditional Korean dessert place and orders on our behalf.  I am beyond feeling like crap and MR is full because he had to eat the majority of my portion of the bony chicken because I threw in my chopsticks early.  Again barefoot and Indian style, we share dessert - red bean pudding.  Red bean is one of my least favorite things and one of MR’s favorite.  My spirit whimpered inside as I grabbed my spoon and take a big scoop.  Despite my disdain for the taste, I try to eat my whole portion because I figure beans are neutral and really can’t hurt my stomach like everything else has. While at dessert, we learn the office is back to normal and we can go back to work.  MR and I fight back tears and the desire to jump in front of the tour bus as we head back to the office.

Stoves

 

 

 

In order to make up for the lost time, we stayed until almost 7 on Friday.  They offered to take us out for the evening but I assured them that I had a very important date with my bed.  MR on the other hand, being the extroverted socialite that he is, had friends in Seoul and made plans with them.  So we walked back to the hotel, finally found an ATM, and went our separate ways for the night.

I immediately set myself in bed and consumed french fries and mushroom soup while watching CSI something reruns.  The introvert inside me beamed for it was the first time all week I had been able to just be.  Although, after a few minutes in my head I realized being alone with your thoughts and french fries in bed on a Friday night is probably a sign of depression.  I thoughtfully pondered the invitation to join MR with my eyes closed and under the covers.  I woke up at 6am, opportunity lost.

MR had the opposite Friday night.  Since he doesn’t have a blog I’ve decide to recap his night for all curious minds.  He left at 10 and returned somewhere around 4.  His night included JJ Bar, Hongdae, Ho bar, taco bell, shots, soju, and midgets with drums.  He can neither confirm nor deny the aforementioned activities but I can assure you he had fun.  

We had a leisurely start on Saturday, leaving the hotel at noon to grab breakfast Japanese style – udon and pork katsu to remind us of the happy days in Tokyo.  Afterwards, we walked around the Coex shopping mall and found a rad shop full of unique items.  MR scored a shirt and I scored a back pack.  After some more wandering, we decided to go to Insadong and see the historical part of Korea.  We spent an hour at an intersection.  I kid, but it was literally the longest light ever.  There we found street vendors and learned that I am a 255 in Korean shoes.  The shoes here are phenomenal and it was no surprise to learn that 255 is considered bigge (yes, it’s pronounced big e) size and is rarely carried.  If towering over people didn’t make me feel large, being told no no 255 too big. no have. 250 is biggest size over and over again really drove the fact home.   

While in Insadong, MR and I made a fascinating discovery, an ice cream cone that has cone with every bite.  It was awesome and worth the 3 dollars, however, you did have to be aware of how you held and consumed said ice cream cone.

We headed back to the hotel at 5 and got ready for our 610 pick up for dinner with the management group.   Upon my arrival back at the hotel, I was greeted with this -

 Nothing like a surprise drop off using information pieced together during casual conversation.  As MR said – like a boss.  I tip my hat to said boss and recommend gentlemen follow suit when interested in a lady – international flower delivery, truly impressive

this buidling is on fffffirrrrrrrrrrrrre!

 Well, friday was nothing less of entertaining:

This girl was just desperate to meet some Korean firemen so i started a fire on the first floor of our 5 story building;)  Sadly, it was distinguished quickly and only resulted in a long lunch and not a day of working being canceled.  Is it wrong to wish the building had been consumed by flames?  No, no I don't think so.

Where is my bed?

I am fighting every urge to curl up on the modern concrete floor under the massive wood conference table right now.  

Last night the accounting team took us out to Korean BBQ, which was delicious again.  This was a slightly different style and included new items such as raw cow liver and stomach lining.  Neither of which I would ever recommend to someone.  The flavor of both was salty but the texture was unreal.  The raw liver was like a squishy dense beet which doesn’t seem bad until you remember it is the raw insides of a cow and blood.  The stomach lining was chewy like calamari, not as bad as the liver and much easier to just swallow with a swig of beer.

Shoes were required to be removed, even for my hobbit feet

We were also invited to the CG media premier for their new product by the Managing Director.  Despite working for a golf company, I want to have nothing to do with golf.  However, MR was virtually frothing at the mouth the anticipation at the sheer mention of the event so I know declining was not an option.  The event was at a virtual golf facility and was invitation only to VIP press and Korea sponsored golf pros.  Another work perk wasted on me.  I was hoping to just be the awkward American lurking against the wall, but the company had other plans for me.  Instead, I was placed in one of the Pro-Am groups and expected to play.  

Oh Lord, it could not have been more embarrassing.  For starters, I don’t think anything says I am good at golf like a flowy H&M top and high waisted Urban Outfitters denim.  But if that some how magically fooled people into thinking I actually stood a chance in the game, they were quickly corrected the second I stepped up to the fake grass to tee off.  How many times can a person swing and not hit the ball? 5 that’s how many.  Which it probably could have been more if it wasn’t for the direction of MR to aim below the ball.  Nothing like impressing sponsored golf pros and fellow colleagues with my inability to actually play golf.   People keep looking at me quizzically – "How long have you worked for CG?"  Me – 5 years.  Them – “And this is your first time golfing”.  Me – No, I am just this bad.

At one point I looked at the screen and saw my name and 6^th next to it, which made me wonder how it was possible for me to be in sixth place when there were only 4 people on the team.  Once I made it to 8^th, I realized it was the number of swings I had taken.  Luckily for me, that is when the embarrassment on each hole ended because the program wouldn’t let you swing past 8.  Anyways, we rounded out the night by playing 4 holes and I ended up +12 and that was with the hitting assistance of one of the Company’s fitters.

Tonight we have the following event to look forward to:

 Oh english as a second language.

And lastly, a new section I am starting called, what is MR eating today -

Fried Chicken Chips

White bread with a whipped cream strawberry filling

Who knows

   

Raw Liver and Stomach Lining

South Side

Our travel day was rather uneventful.  Once again, however, the united mileage rewards club paid off.  MR and I were able to jump into the Premier security check line with our status which fed directly to the metal detector screening. Hey-o!  I was able to skip my airport pat down that I usually get when I decline the body scan.  

Like any other human arriving at the airport at 5 am, I decided I needed a caffeine boost to jump start my brain and keep me alert until my transpacific flight.  But like I said, every other human had the same idea so the line from Peets Coffee virtually began when you exited security.  Despite having over an hour before my flight, I debated whether the line was even worth standing in but like a lemming I quickly fell in place.  I stood in the nonmoving line watching the shoe shine man polish up some boots and silently cursed myself for not wearing my black shoes that were in severe need of a polish.  As I scoped out my surroundings, I realized the United Club behind me was finally open.  Yes, MR and I had actually got into the airport prior to the Club even opening.  Sadly, MR’s status does not allow for him to enter the Club so I declined using my status to get in.  I have been on several a business trips where my companions opted to use their status and I was left lapping the Narita airport out of sheer boredom.  During those many laps, I swore I would never be that person.  My character was finally put to the test this trip. 

Anyways back to the coffee line, it didn’t move and that’s when I realized the Club has tea and not just any tea but tea for free.  I mean granted work was paying for the drink but still, I enjoy free things.  I check my purse, yep got my boarding pass.  So I nonchalantly exited the coffee line did a quick 180 and headed to the Club.  I rang the bell, got buzzed in, scanned my pass, and was admitted to the prestigious Club.  I bee lined for the coffee/tea station made myself a take away and then left to go back to join MR and my luggage.  

I walked out smiling to myself for my ingenuity.  As I passed the shoe shine guy, he looked with a smile and me and said “hey, I saw what you did, sneaky”.  I threw my head back with a big laugh and smiled back coyly “why I was just being creative” and I sauntered back to my seat and proudly displaying my United Club cup.

Which alone just makes me chuckle, I bet I look like some wealthy fancy pants kid (yes I like to pretend I can still pass as a youth) that just walks into clubs and gets whatever they wants.  Reality is, I would never have the access if it wasn’t for work.  It has nothing to do with my own finances or ways of persuasion just sheer work perk.  But this again supports my theory that United has the best program (see “Club Member” post)

So after an hour flight to SFO and a 12 hour flight across the Pacific, we have arrived safely in Seoul.  The most exciting part of the trip was flying on a two story plane and the pop chips and kit kats they served to us during the flight.  Well, that and the Kristen Wiig Bridesmaid-esq moment when I tried to access the first class section on the second floor of the flight in an Ambien haze which may or may not have resulted in me being zip tied to my chair by the air marshal for the rest of my flight.

Upon clearing immigration (barely) we were greeted with this –

Yeah, kind of a big deal in Korea. 

 We arrived at the hotel which is pretty awesome.  MR and I both fought the urge to curl into a ball and sleep and headed out for dinner at 630.  Like any good tourist, we asked the concierge where the best Korea BBQ close by was and then the manager personally escorted us to the restaurant.  So nice and their English was impeccable, such a blessing. He was a speed walker though and so was our chauffer from the hotel, which has made me stereotype Koreans as fast walkers, this may or may not be accurate, but I haven’t had a chance to research the Olympic results for speed walking to see where Korea fell so for now I am going to say it is accurate. 

Dinner was ridiculously good.  Under the careful advice of the hostess, we maneuvered the Korean menu and ordered a nonshellfish bbq set.  The salad was amazing it was just lettuce, cucumbers, onions, tomatoes, topped with succulent beef.  I am pretty sure the dressing was just the beef juice poured on top.  So good. Then they BBQ’d us 3 different types of beef which was consumed with our carb of choice MR – rice, me – noodles with hot sauce. To polish the night off we had plum tea.  Which tasted like delicious fruity juice.  I think MR and I barely said more than 5 sentences to each other.  Other than constantly repeating I am so tired and I can’t wait to pass out.  We some how managed to get 8 pm and get lost on the way back to the hotel.  Only temporarily.  But I was in bed by 830, which was the sweetest bliss in the whole world.

I feel asleep to CSI something.  I woke up at 11 pm with a crazy dream about someone breaking into my hotel room that was a rapist to leave me a note to let me know he liked my robot costume.  Upon clearing the sleep from my eyes, I realized the dream directly corresponded with the CSI on TV with the exception of the note about the robot costume.  To prevent future nightmares, I set the TV on mute and dozed back off until about 4.  However, I stubbornly refused to get up and slipped in and out of sleep until 630 when I headed to the gym.

The gym at this hotel is A-mazing.  It’s what I think curves must look like on the inside except x10 and all the patrons are men.  I mean being a white giant already makes me stand out here.  Being the only female in the gym the size of two football fields made me really stand out and question if there were segregated gym areas for male and females but no one shooed me way so I picked a treadmill.  Upon further analyzation in the mirror, I realized virtually everyone in the room was in a uniform of a white shirt and black shorts with their gym towel draped over their neck or on their head.  At this moment I was glad I had selected a running outfit that maximized every color in the rainbow.  I was feeling horribly self conscious for several minutes until another white giant but a male of course, walked in wearing running shorts that made Brazilian bikini bottoms look modest.   

Upon leaving the gym, I realized I had completely missed the most amazing exercise machine I had ever laid eyes on this –

Yes, a fat jiggling machine.  BOTH were in use which is simply awesome.  I have every intent of getting on one before this trip is over.  I though they didn’t even exist anymore.  

After that, work began and the fun ended. 

Nuclear Zone

So Monday I will be heading to Seoul, South Korea.  Given the recent media attention, there are obviously apprehensions on traveling there.  Like any good employees MR and I collected newspaper articles and sent them to our boss expressing our concern.  Articles like this, this, and this.  Our concerns were met with the loving response:

"The new dear Leader is all bark and no bite…  There’s no security department to ask any more.  I will check with the head of security on his thoughts.

 We will continue to monitor the situation, but I would say full steam ahead at this point.  Worst case, you’ll be in the center of the “action”.  If you’re going to go, you might as well go big."

Thank you Mr. Director. Awesome, I mean if going big means nuclear radiation or being slaughtered in a hostile invasion, sign me up. YOLO, right?  But at least he was good to his word and checked with head security, who  responded with -

 "No worries at this time.  Posturing is a common occurrence as you suggest.  

Let your team know I am happy to address any specific concerns, but there is nothing that would cause us to alter our travel policy at this juncture."   

So since there is no general concern for vising South Korea, except from your average human, we are forging ahead.

That being said, I decided to do my own analysis in order to determine if I will really die this trip.  This is the conclusion I came to:

• Radiation - Minimal.  This comes from my theory (which is loosely based on news articles and my own personal war tactics) that North Korea wants the land in South Korea.  So they won't want to nuc' the place. They will just aggressively invaded.  Nuclear warfare is aimed at the US, so if anything, we are in the better of two places.  All that being said, I don't think they actually have a weapon that could reach the continental US.  Maybe HI, which would be unfortunate because of the culinary additions they've made over the years such as shaved ice or spam burgers. 

• Invasion - Moderate. Invasion does run the risk of us being mercilessly slaughtered during the attack.  But I am hoping that we would have a heads up before North pours into the South.  In that case, I would follow Argo and flee to the nearest Canadian Consul and take refuge until Ben Affleck comes to save me.  {Producers please note - I would also be willing to be saved by Ryan Gosling, Jim from the Office, or Gwen Stefani}  Although, our escape might be hard to pull of because I am a nervous sweater and that could give me away at the security check points.  

• Anaphylactic shock - High.  The combo of my severe allergy to shellfish and lack of understanding of the Korean language might lead to an untimely death.

So based on my simple risk analysis, my biggest risk is due to my sad deformed body.  Therefore, I have nothing to worry about.

Seoul, I will see you Tuesday.